I was reminded by a friend that hiatus season as begun. A time when all TV workers are given a 6 week break. After working strenuous hours for 10 months, life can resume as normal but for a short while. Might seem like a dream to be on vacation for 6 weeks but don't let that fool you. For the independent wife and mother, this is not as easy as it seems.
Although my husband doesn't work in TV, there are times when whether on a movie set and gone for extended periods of time or even during an extremely busy week that I can experience the same thing.
How does a wife who literally becomes in charge of everything, living like a single mother, give over the reins? Whether it's just for a weekend or for 6 weeks. I'm slowly learning and the process is not easy. The process should have blaring red lights that say,"Caution When Entering." However, those signs are never made for times when vacation or time off are involved.
The first few days that my husband is back entering into normalcy is rather unpeaceful. I would love to know a marriage that isn't! The respect that I've had for my husband while he is away is completely different than when he is actually in the room. This isn't to say that I don't respect him when he's gone. But there are a lot more aspects of respect that are needed when he is actually physically with you. I need to ask more questions, involve him in the decisions, help him in understanding that changes that took place while he was away.
We read a great book together, from which I'm still learning from, called Love and Respect. I never really understood respect the way it is described here in this book. The author details 6 values that our husbands hold: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship and Sexuality. Now look at the list again and you'll see the difficulty I might be going through as a wife in Hollywood. My husband is out on his conquest, establishing his hierarchy and sexuality is never far from our bedroom. However, his authority, insight, and our relationship on a daily basis aren't always there. I certainly try to lead our home when he is gone with an authority I know he wants since we share the same values. I do miss his insight and counsel and end up seeking others, making stupid mistakes or waiting on decisions until he is available. Our relationship does get affected and a rebuilding needs to happen when he comes home. It is in no way an easy process but the hard work of re-establishing our marital relationship as husband and wife is worth it!
The unity, love and peace it brings to our marriage and family is above all the most important thing to me. So the re-entry back into life for my husband and how I handle it is something that does not blissfully mean "vacation".
So while you may be enjoying your episode of Glee every week during the springtime, there is a different kind of episode happening in homes all over LA.
welcome to the world of the non-9-5 man!
ReplyDeleteit doesn't get easier through the years: more NORMAL maybe, but not easier.
dick has traveled since the early days of our marriage, too, and was gone for sometimes months at a time. i was the "operating adult" and everything was on my shoulders; we learned that it was up to HIM to take it slow before HE operated at full capacity as a dad and husband upon his return.
even though it's sexy to have him leave and then return, THAT only lasts one night; then it's back to morning, and all the dailiness that involves running and maintaining a home with a semblance of order and balance.
he's been gone this week, too. i was glad to have some peace and quiet,frankly, and freedom from the neverending plethora of vagrant mugs of left over tea that seem to be everywhere (he works from home, too!), and pens that magically seem to reproduce all over the house! it's been nice to wake up and have the house in order.
but i miss him--i miss his mess;i miss his chaos; i miss his body next to mine; i miss his smile; i miss that part of me that receives his joy; i miss him because sometimes he's the only one that i believe really loves me. and i love the conversation--it's too quiet in the morning, after all.
he gets home on friday--and saturday it all starts again..
Excellent insights. This is true for any relationship where the man is away from home. My husband does seasonal work and it's difficult when he's gone and when he's home. We bump into each other, our realms of authority intersect, sometimes negatively, and it's a growth process every time there is a transition. Love and Respect has been a great tool for us in holding each other up and working together. Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteWhere were you when I was newly married? Oh yea, you were my toddler! So wise and insightful, my daughter! Keep up the great writing.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie: My name is Nancy Ladas.I'm married to a guy named Chuck who I call my Prince Charles. I do that because I want to honor our marriage. We have three boys Chuckie 21, Jeremy 19 and Jimmy 15. We all go to Cornerstone Church. We were out to California in August 2006. My brother and his wife and three girls lived in Simi Valley, CA at the time. We loved Disneyland and Universal Studios. It was so exciting. Your grandfather, Russ Peterson is wonderful. He always has a smile on his face. We loved your article on Marriage and the family. We'll be praying for you. God Bless you.
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