It's a Team Effort

There's a jealousy that comes over wives in this industry. I know where it comes from...I've had it too. "Why are you working so much? Spend time with ME. Do you have to do that now? Is this more important than me? " In fact, I once called his computer his mistress. He hasn't forgotten even though this was years ago and I've apologized. But it tells me/you something about I how felt. I wasn't on his side. I didn't see things from his point of view. I also realized it didn't get me anywhere. It didn't make me closer to my husband. Didn't pave the path for better communication or more intimacy. It only created more road blocks in our marriage.

At the time I would show support by reading his scripts and giving him a list of spelling errors, listening intently to story ideas and the day's trials. What I didn't realize was that my attitude was showing him the most support, and back then he felt pretty alone.

Our attitudes mean everything to our husbands. They carry our attitudes around with them when they leave for work, worry about us all day and come home expecting what they left that morning. And usually, they find it. Now as a wife who was home with a 2 year old, stuck in the same 2 bed apartment that seems to be getting smaller as the days go by, I get it. My attitude was not great. I saw concrete from every window and smelled second hand smoke coming through the walls from my tobacco addict neighbor. I thought I wanted city living and clearly at that time I was wrong. But too late now. I gave my word and can't go back on it. A sense of hopelessness came over me. Which leads to a long list of horrible attitudes. I'd put sticky notes where ever there was a blank space. Reminding myself to look up, face the day differently, be grateful for what you do have. But something just wasn't right. It didn't click like I was hoping it would.
(We do have a meeting every 3 -5 yrs to discuss whether we are making progress and should continue pursuing this career. It's very helpful and I would encourage others to do the same.)

Then in 2006, I met woman from FL. She prayed over me and said," Have no fear but power, love and a sound mind. Return to the playful woman you used to be. The woman your husband fell in with love." There were other things that were said that made me understand that it wasn't this woman speaking but someone much Greater. This conversation gave me something I was missing. A reassurance that the man I married would not leave me for his job but that he was working hard and overtime to provide FOR me. Because that's what jealousy ultimately comes down to - fear. I was given a breathe of new life that day.

Two is always better than one. It's how I approach his career now. I realized that my voice was needed in helping him make decisions. We go to parties together, network the room together. I get to put on heels and hang like eye candy on my husband's arm. It's fun! My notes on scripts have become more critiqued. I'm finally getting how to read a script. It's so much different than a book. When does the story start? On what page? Is this a well developed character arch? Should there be more? Move this scene. The character would never say or do that.

We talk before our day starts. "What's going on today? How can I help?" and vice versa. We talk in the middle of the day whether it's through IM, an email, a phone call or just over lunch together. We talk after the day has ended.

There is this constant communication that is happening. I know of all the big dogs in town and where they work, what opening weekend movies have grossed, and why Public Enemies didn't work. I know he remembers the same stuff about my life. When the baby last went poo, our oldest child's achievement in school, or that I said I would call a friend and still haven't done it yet.

It's about our team effort now. Fighting the treacherous path up a rocky mountain together. Because that's what this feels like most times. But it is so much better fighting together rather than alone.